The Downing House

10/7/23

Englewood, CO

Denver might have tricked me, in a sense. From the rave reviews I’d heard about Colorado, and how Boulder and Denver were so close to each other, I was expecting something like a city mixed with a mountain town. But Boulder is a college town first and foremost, and Denver is an endless sprawl on completely flat terrain.

In fact, Denver sits on what I think of as the edge of the world. Or the edge of the west at least. The West ends at Denver. And Billings, MT, and Albuquerque, NM, if you look at a map. West of here is everything we love. Mountains, valleys, forests, oceans. East of here is hundreds of miles of nothing. I almost don’t want to turn my back on the east, as if I might fall backwards into it.

That being said, what I also found in Denver is a group of people who love Jesus just as much as they love rock climbing. Something very rare for me to find. So a small part of me has still entertained the idea of spending more time here.

I passed the morning hours between 9am and 2pm at the Caribou Coffee close to Paul’s place. Paul is someone I met one time a year and a half ago at my good friend Bowen’s bachelor party, and haven't seen since.

The Caribou Coffee advertised five different pumpkin drinks. I asked the baristas what their favorite was, and between the two of them we landed on an iced vanilla pumpkin latte. I actually don’t remember if that’s what it was called. I don’t know anything about coffee beverages, and every time I learn something I immediately forget it.

Although the reason I walked to the coffee shop was for the wifi, in order to post a blog, I did next to no writing. Instead, I spent probably three hours listening through several hundred songs from my Spotify liked music playlist, and put them into other playlists. I rode the caffeine high as long as I could, and texted my friend Olivia.

I feel like I, as a person, am relying heavily on a foundation of people in my life. People who have inspired me, or support me, or love me. I spend a lot of time alone but I’m very grateful for those people. My friend Olivia is a big part of that.

The other day, yesterday I suppose, my apple photos showed me the featured photos of the day. There were two right next to each other, a selfie I took probably two years ago, and a photo from the trip I’m on right now. At the time, I really liked the person in that first selfie. I was taking selfies a lot because I thought my hair looked really good. But seeing it next to a picture of me now, I realized that the person I look like now is much closer to the person I want to be.

Sometimes I don’t feel like myself, or I don’t feel like the full time adventurer that I want to be. I actually wear my jacket sometimes purely because my friend Damian told me that it makes me look like a full time adventurer. But after looking at that photo I thought to myself, “that guy looks like a full time adventurer, I want to keep being that guy”. And, as I’ve learned in the past, if you look the part, and play the part, then you are the part.

A new friend I made yesterday, Sam, surprisingly already someone I think will be a long time friend, said that I spoke with a lot of confidence and that my voice was nice to listen to. As someone who has lower self esteem than many people would think, and someone who, when meeting most young people, feel as though I don’t have much value, this meant a lot to me.

My time in Denver so far as reminded me of something that I’ve known for a long time but often forget. That being around good people is a far superior than the most fascinating of lives spent alone.

After the coffee shop, I walked back to the house, and met up with some other residents to go play pickle ball. I’ve never played before, and it took me a while to catch on.

I spend a lot of time trying new things with new people, and that means I’m often bad at things, and around people I don’t know. In the past this used to bother me, because it’s a habit that doesn’t lend itself to strong self confidence. But now I recognize it as a bi-product of having new experiences. Luckily, my self confidence is a lot better than it used to be, and I can usually have a good time whatever I do.

After that I offered to make dinner for the group, which led to an evening of a sort that I have not had in a long time, and brought me a great deal of joy. We had tacos and wine and talked about philosophy and religion and laughed, which is always healthy.

Then we walked over to the neighboring house where the girls lived, and watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and one of the tenants, Maggie, made maple glazed roasted pumpkin seeds.

“I’ve done my waiting!” Reminded me heavily of my friend Davyd, as almost a year ago he showed up to my house in the mountains for a halloween party dressed as Sirius Black.

As I drifted off to sleep, on an extra bed indoors for the first time in three weeks, I got suddenly nervous. There’s nothing to keep me from staying here forever.